Dear...............

Dear Noah,

We could have sworn you said the ark wasn't leaving till 5.

Sincerely,

Unicorns



Dear Twilight fans,

Please realize that because vampires are dead and have no blood pumping through them, they can never get an erection.

Enjoy fantasizing about that.

Sincerely,

Logic



Dear Icebergs,

Sorry to hear about the global warming. It's karma's.

Sincerely,

The Titanic



Dear America ,

You produced Miley Cyrus. Bieber is your punishment.

Sincerely,

Canada



Dear Yahoo,

I've never heard anyone say, "I don't know, let's Yahoo! it..." just saying...

Sincerely,

Google



Dear 2010,

So I hear the best rapper is white and the president is black? What happened?!

Sincerely,

1985



Dear Windshield Wipers,

Can't touch this.

Sincerely,

That Little Triangle



Dear girls who have been dumped,

There are plenty of fish in the sea... Just kidding! They're all dead.

Sincerely,

BP



Dear Saturn,

I liked it, so I put a ring on it.

Sincerely,

God



Dear Fox News,

So far, no news about foxes.

Sincerely,

Unimpressed



Dear jf;ldsfa/kvsmmklnn,

Please lknvfdmv.xvn.

Sincerely,

Stevie Wonder



Dear Skin-Colored Band Aids,

Please make one for every skin color.

Sincerely,

Black people



Dear Scissors,

I feel your pain.....no one wants to run with me either.

Sincerely,

Sarah Palin



Dear Osama Bin Laden,

Marco....

Sincerely,

United States



Dear World of Warcraft,

Thank you for ensuring my son's virginity.

Sincerely,

Parents Everywhere



Dear Batman,

What was your power again?

Sincerely,

Superman



Dear Customers,

Yes, we ARE making fun of you in Vietnamese.

Sincerely,

Nail Salon Ladies



Dear Americans,

I'm sorry, did you just insult us? I couldn't hear you over my health care benefits.

Sincerely,

Canadians



Dear Global Warming,

You're the best imaginary friend ever!

Sincerely,

Al Gore



Dear Ugly People,

You're welcome.

Sincerely,

Alcohol



Dear Mr. Gump

What are you talking about? There's a little diagram on the lid that tells you EXACTLY what you're gonna get....

Sincerely,

Jenny



Dear Katy Perry,

I liked the kiss too.

Sincerely,

Justin Bieber



Dear World,

Please stop freaking out about 2012. Our calendars ends there because some Spanish d-bags invaded our country and we got a little busy ok?

Sincerely,

The Mayans



Dear White People,

Don't you just hate immigrants?

Sincerely,

Native Americans



Dear iPhone,

Please stop spellchecking all of my rude words into nice words. You piece of shut.

Sincerely,

Every iPhone User



Dear Giant Spider on the Wall,

Please die. Please die. Please die. Please die. CRAP! Where did you go?

Sincerely,

Terrified



Dear Trash,

At least you get picked up...

Sincerely,

The Girls of Jersey Shore



Dear Man,

It's cute, but can you pick up peanuts with it?

Sincerely,

Elephant



Dear Dr. Phil,

Look man, there's only room for one fake doctor in this world and I was here first.

Sincerely,

Dr. Pepper