Some Humor for Today!

[Clayton_Wetter]

Some humor for the day:

An airplane was about to crash; there were 5 passengers on
board, but only 4 parachutes. The first passenger, Holly Madison
said, "I have my own reality show and I am the smartest and
prettiest woman at Playboy, so Americans don't want me to
die." She took the first pack and jumped out of the plane.

The second passenger, John McCain, said, "I'm a Senator, and a
decorated war hero from an elite Navy unit from the United
States of America." So he grabbed the second pack and jumped.

The third passenger, Barack Obama said, "I am the President of
the United States and I am the smartest ever in the history of
our country, some even call me the 'Anointed One.'" So he
grabbed the pack next to him and jumped out.

The fourth passenger, Billy Graham said to the fifth
passenger, a 10-year-old schoolgirl, "I have lived a full life
and served my God the best I could. I will sacrifice my life and let
you have the last parachute."

The little girl said, "That's okay, Mr. Graham. There's a
parachute left for you. America 's smartest President took
my schoolbag."

[Highside Hustler25]

Nice

[LITE-INN]

Barack Obama -vs- An Intelligent Little GirlBarack Obama was seated next to a little girl on an airplane trip back to Washington. He turned to her and said, “Let’s talk. I’ve heard that flights go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger.”The little girl, who had just opened her book, closed it slowly and said to The Obama, “What would you like to talk about?”“Oh, I don’t know,” said the Obama. “How about What Changes I Should Make To America?” and he smiles.“OK,” she says. “That could be an interesting topic. But let me ask you a question first. A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat the same stuff – grass. Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty, and a horse produces clumps of dried grass. Why do you suppose that is?”Obama, visibly surprised by the little girl’s intelligence, thinks about it for a second and finally says, “Hmmm, I have no idea.”To which the little girl replies, “Do you really feel qualified to change America when you don’t know (not a nice word)(not a nice word)(not a nice word)(not a nice word)?”- See more at: http://www.funnyandjokes.com/barack-....wIvG1Vel.dpuf

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n the spirit of giving, we’re gonna give you some more Obama Jokes… a flurry of Q&A shorties sure to leave you asking for more. Everyone will be laughing… except for Barack Obama, because that would be racist.Q. What do Obama and Osama have in common?A. They both have friends who bombed the Pentagon.Q. Why did Obama change his name from Barry to Barack?A. He thought Barry sounded too American.Q. Why won’t Obama Messiah release his real birth certificate?A. It shows that he didn’t have a virgin birth.Q: What do you get when you cross a crooked politician with a crooked lawyer?A: Barack Obama.Q. Why will Jay Leno vote for Barack Obama?A. Because he’s running out of George Bush jokes.Q. Why will Britney Spears vote for Barack Obama?A. Because she’s running out of other crazy things to do.Q. Why wouldn’t Barack salute the American flag?A. It was ours.Q. Why will Jimmy Carter vote for Barack Obama?A. Because Carter doesn’t want to be the worst President in history.Q. Why is Barack Obama so thin and scrawny?A. If he were any heavier he wouldn’t be able to walk on water.- See more at: http://www.funnyandjokes.com/short-o....l792gYHd.dpuf

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Late Night Hosts On Obama Being Elected President“See, I got to admit, as a comedian, I’m gonna miss President Bush. Because Barack Obama is not easy to do jokes about. He doesn’t give you a lot to go on. See, this is why God gave us Joe Biden.” ~Jay Leno“Earlier this evening, Barack Obama’s 30-minute infomercial appeared on three of the major networks. … Now, if you didn’t see it, one part was a little odd. At the end, Barack said, ‘If you vote now, we’ll throw in a set of steak knives and a can of Oxiclean.’” ~Jay Leno“But I thought it was one of those heartwarming infomercials. It had a wonderful ending. In the final scene Barack Obama is adopted by Angelina Jolie.” ~Dave Letterman“But all this doesn’t matter because Obama keeps pulling away in the polls. Every week, he gets a little more ahead. And with almost all groups. Liberals, of course, always supported him. … And conservatives like the idea of paying a black man to clean up their mess.” ~Bill MaherObama Himself Cracking Jokes“That’s what he talked about yesterday, ‘I want to drill here. I want to drill now.’ I don’t know where he was standing. I think he was in a building somewhere.” ~Obama on John McCain’s energy plan.“I would have to…investigate more of Bill’s dancing abilities, you know, and some of this other stuff before I accurately judge whether he was in fact a brother.” ~Obama on whether Bill Clinton was our first black president.“I don’t want to be invited to the family hunting party.” ~Obama responding to revelations that he and (not a nice word)(not a nice word)(not a nice word)(not a nice word) Cheney are eighth cousins.“But I have to say tonight’s venue isn’t really what I’m used to. I was originally told we’d be able to move this outdoors to Yankee Stadium, and can somebody tell me what happened to the Greek columns that I requested?” ~Obama at the Al Smith Dinner.Obama, McCain and All Hillary Die And Go To HeavenJohn McCain, Hillary Clinton, and Barack Obama all die and go to heaven. God looks down from his throne and asks McCain, “Do you think you deserve to be in heaven?”McCain takes a breath and then replies, “Well, I think so because I was a great leader and tried to follow the words in your great book.” God looks down and then says, “You can sit to my left side.”So, McCain takes his seat and then God asks the same question to Hillary, “Do you think you deserve to be in heaven?” Hillary thinks for a second and then replies, “I think so because I have been fighting for the rights of so many people for so long.” God again looks down and this time says, “You can sit to my right side.”Finally God turns to Barack Obama and asks, “Do you think you deserve to be in heaven?”Obama smiled and replied, “I think you’re in my seat.”A Closing Note From Jay Leno“Barack Obama gave a big speech on race, and there was one heckler in the audience, kept screaming crazy stuff the whole time. Turns out it was his pastor.”- See more at: http://www.funnyandjokes.com/obama-j....fvAwhzUn.dpuf