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  1. #1
    Join Date
    Aug 2018
    Posts
    5,197

    Default Best sales ad ever!

    While looking for a used Jeep for a play toy, I came across this ad:



    I should start by saying that if you are looking for a “Pajama party Barbie Jeep” you my friend, should keep looking. If you are looking for a short description of to the beast before you, I can offer you two words “MEAT & POTATOES”. This is the All American chariot of the free world.

    You are not dealing with any ordinary, cookie cutter Jeep son. This thing was forged from a single block of all American Tungsten Steel. Real sturdy! From that day forward my life has never been the same. Winch yourself off that couch and see if you can handle this Jeep Wrangler Sahara.

    So if you are looking for a rice burning hatch back, a solar powered liberal mobile, or even a Hyundai crossover keep on looking my friend this thing is a piece of red white and blue Americana Machinery.

    This baby’s pulse is pumping 4.0 liters of uncensored raw fuel through her straight six nuclear power plant. And rest assured this is no metro feminine automatic. . .you command her to obey, with your calloused hand planted firmly on the shifter. And she will obey, the first time, every time. If you can’t handle your stick shifter, or reach the clutch pedal, you better not ferry skip over here wanting to test drive her. If you stall her out, you can count on getting hit in the face with a piece of re-bar and sent back where you came from.

    It has A/C but are you kidding me….Really! If you want to blow the sweat off your brow, you do it the old fashioned way: doors off, top down. “What if it rains?”. . .You whiney bitch! I told you to stop reading. . . Any man who drives this beast doesn’t give a (not a nice word)(not a nice word)(not a nice word)(not a nice word) about rain. Not even skin melting acid rain, Cause he’s already dripping wet in blood, sweat, dip spit, and fish guts.

    If you are looking for the kind of jeep that has to be pansy parked in the garage, so the “carpet doesn’t get wet and soggy” Then you should plant your Obama sticker on some Japanese piece of (not a nice word)(not a nice word)(not a nice word)(not a nice word). Cause this thing has drain holes in the floor and rhino lined to let the blood drain out from the buffalo you just killed, with your bare hands. Because you are William Wallace from Braveheart and when you get home you can leave your “sissy sponge glove car wash kit” in the pink bucket it came in. Go ahead and spark up your 6000 psi heated pressure washer on the dually trailer in your man cave, cause you are Tim Gillespie and you can pressure wash your truck on the inside. She’s got rhino lined floors with a full roll cage in case that buffalo comes back to life while you’re doing 80 over some mountain pass or flooded river.


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    If you’re thinking about Mexican chrome bumpers for her, think again. The bumper bashers come hand forged in a blacksmith shop in Franklin County over a wood burnin fire, out of 4 inch well casing, and railroad tracks and then I welded em to the (not a nice word)(not a nice word)(not a nice word)(not a nice word) chassis. That way if you get deployed you can piggy back this war wagon on a deuce and a half and chain her down tight from the four corners, so you don’t lose her when your convoy gets hit by a taliband roadside suicide bomber.

    And forget about putting one of those “It’s a Jeep Thing. . .You wouldn’t understand” stickers on this machine cause when you’re spotted in this American Classic there will be no questions, no further explanation required, people will understand and get out of your way. . …real quick.

    If you think you’re ready to park this panty hauler on your tract of land. If you buy this jeep you better go get your old lady ready for some (not a nice word)(not a nice word)(not a nice word)(not a nice word) changes around your lair, cause this (not a nice word)(not a nice word)(not a nice word)(not a nice word) will be happening. What will be Happening? Glad you asked….


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    1. More chest hair.
    2. You’re growing a beard.
    3. Meat Only Diet.
    4. T-Rex for a pet.
    5. You’re taking a job at the lumber mill.
    6. Your car carries five kegs.
    7. (not a nice word)(not a nice word)(not a nice word)(not a nice word)(not a nice word) enlargement.
    8. Catch more fish.
    9. Wire bristled toothbrush.
    10. Sex in the yard.
    11. Sex in the garage.
    12. All male offspring.
    13. Chiseled jaw line.
    14. Not giving a (not a nice word)(not a nice word)(not a nice word)(not a nice word).
    15. Flesh turning to steel.
    16. Higher salary
    17. Promotions.
    18. Better looking wives.
    19. Better looking mistresses.
    20. More golfing
    21. More killing stuff.
    22. More dead animals in the KITCHEN freezer.
    23. More tools in your garage.
    24. Bigger TV
    25. Wife takes out the trash
    26. Four Wheel Drive
    27. Wife brings trash can in from road.
    28. Wife stops bitching about clothes on floor.
    29. Wife stocks fridge with beer.
    30. Chuck Norris.
    31. John McCain
    32. Steaks for dinner.
    33. Winning the Lottery.
    34. Women on the side.
    35. Wrestling with bea
    36. Building (not a nice word)(not a nice word)(not a nice word)(not a nice word) out of stone.
    37. Riding Lawn Mower.
    38. Bon Fires in cul-de-sac.
    39. Bar Fights.
    40. Wife picks you up from Thee Gentlemen’s Club.
    41. Craftsman Tools.
    42. Jay Bisset.
    43. Welding stuff.
    44. Digging holes.
    45. Huge Piece of meat.

    Put your GPS back in your purse.

    Sounds good doesn’t it?

    This jeep has carried me through 155,000 miles of battlefield twice as gruesome as the second half of the movie “300″. . ..And just like a trusty steed this juggernaut has never left me stranded. If you think you’ve worn her out you drag this beast back to me in any condition. And Ill handle the rest.

    But if you think you’re going to get to whip this mule you better pony up Sixty Five Hundred Dollars. . .American Cash. I’m not selling you this car unless you are clearly a pure blooded American Species, so don’t even think about it.

    All I have to add is *Jeep wave*, brother.

  2. #2
    Join Date
    May 2007
    Location
    Realville, USA
    Posts
    16,671

    Default

    Welll alllrrrriiiiggghthtttteeeeee thennnnnnn!!!!!

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Dec 2008
    Location
    thedirtysouth
    Posts
    4,004

    Default

    normally , i would not read all that zero 25 , but considering ive been a jeep owner since i was 17 , a 1976 cj7 renegade levi edition with a 304 v8 , you caught my attention , thank you sir...........

  4. #4
    Join Date
    May 2007
    Location
    Realville, USA
    Posts
    16,671

    Default

    Just don't turn over while going 5 mph. hahahahahahahaaa

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Dec 2008
    Location
    thedirtysouth
    Posts
    4,004

    Default

    wasnt that some bull sh!t CW , soon after that crap aired against our american built icon , the gov allowed the japs to import those little samari,s that would filp over in a mild dust storm..........

  6. #6
    Join Date
    May 2007
    Location
    Realville, USA
    Posts
    16,671

    Default

    lol......

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Aug 2018
    Posts
    5,197

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by fastford View Post
    normally , i would not read all that zero 25 , but considering ive been a jeep owner since i was 17 , a 1976 cj7 renegade levi edition with a 304 v8 , you caught my attention , thank you sir...........
    I had a 84 CJ7 with a 6" lift and 35" Groundhawgs. I had a lot of fun in it and my daughter recently rode in one and wanted me to get another one. Im looking for at least a 97 with the coil spring front suspension. Ill put 33"s on it with a mild lift. Im holding out for an automatic, 4.0L with ac, but theres not that many out there, reasonably priced!

  8. #8
    Join Date
    Mar 2008
    Location
    ARCTIC CIRCLE
    Posts
    5,687

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by ZERO25 View Post
    I had a 84 CJ7 with a 6" lift and 35" Groundhawgs. I had a lot of fun in it and my daughter recently rode in one and wanted me to get another one. Im looking for at least a 97 with the coil spring front suspension. Ill put 33"s on it with a mild lift. Im holding out for an automatic, 4.0L with ac, but theres not that many out there, reasonably priced!
    I just sold a 97 but it was a 4cyl w/out air conditioning .............I got 5200.00. For it !i have another 97 4 cyl with air I’d be willing to sell but it is a manual and needs TLC !
    Last edited by dirtMAN007; 07-28-2019 at 02:40 PM.

  9. #9
    Join Date
    Dec 2008
    Location
    thedirtysouth
    Posts
    4,004

    Default

    my best friend has a 98 with 4.0 and 5 speed , he put some 34inch swampers on it , i still have my 76 cj7 , i flipped the springs over on it years ago and put some Q buck shot mudders on it , thing was a beast in the mud , caused a bunch of chevy,s to get stuck , and a few fords to...lol....i have completely restored it now and it is retired from the mud holes. i just did an engine for a customer where we took an old 258 crank and put it in the 4.0 block , which i didnt even know you could do , the thing is a torque monster , you can google stroker jeeps and read about doing this.....

  10. #10
    Join Date
    Aug 2018
    Posts
    5,197

    Default

    Im lookin for a 4.0 with AT and ac, im getting old!...lol

    My cousin had a 76 with stock 304, I could give him a run for his money till about 55mph with my old 258!

  11. #11
    Join Date
    May 2018
    Posts
    83

    Default

    Interesting advertising and interesting stuff As for the clothes in general, I think market is overwhelmed with clothing items, it is a real quest to find good fabrics. The most of my wardrobe originates from Ashro, I even posted my review here ashro.pissedconsumer.com .

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