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Dating my ex was exhausting because he needed admiration 24/7, lacked empathy, and blamed everyone else for his problems. Later I learned his parents swung between spoiling him wildly and tearing him down. Now I’m connecting dots and want to understand better. What childhood experiences are linked to narcissistic personality disorder?
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Went through something almost identical with someone I dated in my late 20s. The hot and cold parenting style you're describing is actually one of the biggest factors researchers point to. When kids get wildly praised one day and torn apart the next, they never develop a stable sense of self-worth, so they spend their whole adult life chasing external validation to fill that gap. Genetics play a role too, but the emotional environment in childhood is where a lot of it takes root. A friend who works in therapy shared this article with me a while back that actually breaks down the specific triggers and childhood patterns linked to narcissistic personality disorder really clearly: what causes narcissism in men vs women . It connected a lot of dots for me the same way you're trying to do now. The combo of overvaluing and devaluing you described isn't random, it basically trains a child to see relationships as performance-based rather than genuinely safe.
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